heartbeats

I honestly believe that I possess infinite amounts of love in this strange little body. There are so many people in my life that I find my self head over heals for- so many people I would do anything for. I feel like my family extends far beyond the few blood relatives I speak to, and encompasses my friends from work, Quebec, Wordsworth, school, teachers, etc. Sometimes I find it difficult to believe that there are so many people in my life that I adore and that I know I can rely on. And because of these amazing people, my life is full of unforgettable, infinite moments.

It’s been so long since I last wrote- so many things have happened and my life has changed and developed in many ways. It feels strange to say this, but I really don’t think I’ve ever been this happy- ever. I feel as every other period of time in my life in which I thought myself to be happy was somehow fake.

Despite the chaos of graduation, and despite my usual neurotic quirks, I feel balanced. I know that balance never lasts, but at least it exists and is attainable. Like the fleeting leaves of autumn, sadness comes in small waves and lately I cannot stop smiling.

Maybe it has something to do with the people I’ve met in the past year, and the people I’m close to that I never imagined being with. Mybe it has something to do with fall afternoons watching the river rush by, water slowing cooling itself until winter evenings saved themselves for coffee shops and libraries. Maybe its math classes spent giggling incessantly and whispering about poetry. Maybe its reading tomes about India and slipping into stories for hours on end. Maybe its sunday shifts dancing and drinking lattes that come close to perfection.

Maybe its me, growing up. MAYBE this is what consistency feels like- and maybe its terrifying to love and be loved and even love yourself a little bit.

But it’s worth it, 100%.

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